I have a colleague at work who I knew was doing a long-distance relationship. 7 hours plane ride kind of distance. Very long distance. It had been going on for two years and she says they broke up. Not the usual fights or disagreements they used to have. Every couple have them. HE JUST VANISHED. All of a sudden, he went off the radar, and stopped picking up calls, didn’t return any text, nor email.
Who does that? Not The One.
While I can’t foresee their future, I think there still is a moral to this story. You can’t disappear from your love’s life. If you do, it means you weren’t really in love, you or she wasn’t really The One, or you just weren’t ready. Disappearing is not what people in love do.
When you’re going through a hard time with the person you love, don’t bet your love. It isn’t a game. Or if it is, not the kind of game you think of.
When my girlfriend told me she wanted to break up, my first reaction was to cut all communication with her, block her from my multiple social accounts, etc. I couldn’t stand seeing her, it was just too painful, and I was in shock about the breakup. “She wouldn’t break up and say all these things if she really loved me”. And I comforted myself with this thought. That even make me stronger to think that she wasn’t my real love, that I was mistaken and should move on.
She called me after two days, she was in tears. To be honest, I can’t tell I wasn’t satisfied to hear that she was having a hard time after the breakup because I was going through hell too. Had I been the only one to feel that way, my she-wasn’t-really-the-one theory would have been validated. But it wasn’t. She was genuinely in shock too, and she needed to know that I wasn’t going to disappear from her life.
And I regretted immediately to have made her suffer, how selfish was it from me to reject all the pain, lie to myself and let her bear the suffering.
- I promised I would not disappear from her life. I really don’t want to, of course. I want to be part of her world.
- I apologized for the abrupt disappearance. It really was a mistake. I’ve written about the distinction between love and feeling of love in a previous post. If there is a little chance that she still loves me, I have to help her finding the love again.
- I reassured her and said that I’m not going to run away, sleep with other girls, etc. It’s all about her, so I’ll be available when she needs to talk.