When You Think You Lost

I had one of the most hurtful conversation of my life.

I knew the way to regain trust would be long and difficult, but I always assumed that if love is there, you can overcome any obstacle.

I don’t know if I love you anymore, she said. I couldn’t imagine there could be such a hurtful sentence. Because if I don’t have that, what do I have?

How is that possible, to love a day and not loving on the next one? You don’t choose to love or not to love.

“I need a break, she added. “Some time to think“. Long-distance relationship are solely based on explicit communication. If you aren’t using your phone, Skype, letters, messages and so on to communicate with your girlfriend, what is left?

I know long distance is taking a toll on us too. It would be so easier to fix things if I was close to her. We’ve both been pouring ourselves in this relationship, and she needs to feel we have a future.

She sees my effort to become a better boyfriend.

I suddenly feel so empty. As I’ve been realizing that change recently, becoming a better boyfriend, I have dedicated every aspect of my life to her. Work? I’m working hard for my career, to give a solid foundation to our family later. I’m finally putting money aside for our future. Studying? I’m studying to prepare for my next career move, and find a more fulfilling job, so that I can be happy and provide for her. Sports? Running one day, working out the other. I want to be physically strong. I want her to love my body and to feel confident in my protection. Dancing? She’s been taking salsa and cha-cha classes recently, and I have to catch up if I don’t want to look at her enjoying too much with other boys.

Every aspect of my life has a new dimension when I love her. When I see a girl wearing nice shoes, the first thing I think is that these shoes would fit my girlfriend perfectly. When I see tiny cuty kids playing around, I’m thinking about her again. She’s accompanying me in every aspect of my life.

 

Love is strong, love is unconditional and forgiving. After all these times I made her heart feel numb, I know that she just lost the feeling of love. But not love. Love is eternal and unbreakable.

I love you baby. I won’t give up on you. And I will meet you halfway.

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